I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
