my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
