I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im holly from the hills drunk
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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