and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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