He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
