my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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