I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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