Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
