just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
