i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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