i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
