Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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