so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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