evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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