He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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