I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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