i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
