Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
