walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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