Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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