Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
only you would photoshop your dick
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
