for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
