I got chris browned last night
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
FUCK WHALES
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
