he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
