The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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