So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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