i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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