so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize