hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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