I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize