And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
