saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
