life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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