i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
