i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
