I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
