If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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