just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
