You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
