I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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