Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
