If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
