Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
