Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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