Plan B is the new Plan A
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Im part way to drunk.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
