Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
