So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
