she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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