omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
