Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
