All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
