I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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