We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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