Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
