I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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