the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
