He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
