worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize