What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
