I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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