If i come over, it means nothing
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
