The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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