He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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