Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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