Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
