Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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