Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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