ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Randomize
