He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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