Yo dont text me then not text me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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