new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
