I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
