yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
