i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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