If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
